As we debate this bill, that sword of Damocles is hanging over Pandora's box.
Better to die on your feet than live on your knees.
Can't live with 'em. Can't legally torture them to death.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
Civilized people need love for full sexual satisfaction.
Courage is the most beautiful kind of madness.
Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them.
Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.
Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
Don't take life too seriously -- you'll never get out if it alive.
Dream your tomorrows; live you todays.
Drew's Law of Highway Biology: The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.
Ducharme's Precept: Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
Ducharm's Axiom: If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.
Ehrman's Commentary: 1) Things will get worse before they get better. 2)Who said things would get better?
Emersons' Law of Contrariness: Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we can. Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless. Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop. --Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
Enjoy life, there’s plenty of time to be dead.
Enjoy your job, make lots of money, work within the law. Choose any two.
Every program has two purposes -- written and another for which it wasn't.
Everything changes.
Experience is the worst teacher. It always gives the test first and the instruction afterward.
Famous last words: 1) Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix. 2) Let's take the shortcut, he can't see us from there. 3) What happens if you touch these two wires tog-- 4) We won't need reservations. 5) It's always sunny there this time of the year. 6) Don't worry, it's not loaded. 7) They'd never (be stupid enough to) make him a manager.
Fifth Law of Applied Terror: If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. Corollary: If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.
Fifth Law of Procrastination: Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there is nothing important to do.
Finagle's Creed: Science is true. Don't be misled by facts.
Finagle's First Law: If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
Finagle's fourth Law: Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
Finagle's Second Law: No matter what the anticipated result, there will always be someone eager to (a) misinterpret it, (b) fake it, or (c) believe it happened according to his own pet theory.
Finagle's Third Law: In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake. Corollaries: 1. Nobody whom you ask for help will see it. 2. The first person who stops by, whose advice you really don't want to hear, will see it immediately.
First Law of Bicycling: No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
First Law of Procrastination: Procrastination shortens the job and places the responsibility for its termination on someone else (i.e., the authority who imposed the deadline).
First Law of Socio-Genetics: Celibacy is not hereditary.
First Rule of History: History doesn't repeat itself -- historians merely repeat each other.
Flappity, floppity, flip The mouse on the mobius strip;   The strip revolved,   The mouse dissolved In a chronodimensional skip. .
Flon's Law: There is not now, and never will be, a language in which it is the least bit difficult to write bad programs.
Flugg's Law: When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
For those who believe, no explanation is necessary. For those who do not believe, no explanation is possible.
Fourth Law of Applied Terror: The night before the English History mid-term, your Biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria. Corollary: Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor's course.
Fourth Law of Revision: It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
Fresco's Discovery: If you knew what you were doing you'd probably be bored.
Fudd's First Law of Opposition: Push something hard enough and it will fall over.
Garbage In -- Gospel Out.
Genius, n.: A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with "bright".
Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics: 1. An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction. 2. An object at rest will always be in the wrong place. 3. The energy required to change either one of these states will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so much as to make the task totally impossible. .
Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
Glib's Fourth Law of Unreliability: Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some useful work done.
God gave us two ends. One to sit on and one to think with. Success depends on which one you use; head you win, tail, you lose.
God hides things by putting them all around us.
Goldenstern's Rules: 1. Always hire a rich attorney 2. Never buy from a rich salesman.
Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.
Got Mole problems? Call Avogardo 6.02 x 10^23 .
Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2.
Graduate life -- it's not just a job, it's an indenture.
Grandpa Charnock's Law: You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Gratitude is the heart's memory.
Gray's Law of Programming: 'n+1' trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same time as 'n' tasks. Logg's Rebuttal to Gray's Law: 'n+1' trivial tasks take twice as long as 'n' trivial tasks. 
Grelb's Reminder: Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.
H. L. Mencken's Law: Those who can -- do. Those who can't -- teach.  Martin's Extension: Those who cannot teach -- administrate. .
Hacker's Law: The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Hanson's Treatment of Time: There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.
Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.
Hardware, n.: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab: Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.
Hartley's First Law: You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you've got something.
Hartley's Second Law: Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
Harvard Law: Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the organism will do as it damn well pleases. .
He who loses money, loses much; he who loses a friend, loses more; he who loses faith; loses all.
Heavy, adj.: Seduced by the chocolate side of the force. .
Heller's Law: The first myth of management is that it exists. Johnson's Corollary: Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the organization.
Hlade's Law: If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person -- they will find an easier way to do it.
Hoare's Law of Large Problems: Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account.
Home is where you come when you run out of places.
Horngren's Observation: Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
Howe's Law: Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
I chose a road of passion and pain/ sacrificed too much and waited in vain/gave up my power and ceased being queen/addicted to love like the drug of a fiend/misled I bled till the poison was gone/and out of the darkness arrived the sweet dawn.
I climbed up the door and shut the stairs/ I said my shoes and took off my prayers/ I shut off the bed and climbed into the light/and all because he kissed me goodnight.
I haven’t seen you in awhile Yet I often imagine All your expressions I haven’t spoken to you recently But many times I hear your thoughts Good friends must not always Be together It is the feeling of oneness When distant That proves a lasting friendship.
I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
I want to look at life in the available light.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. (Another Ready, Fire, Aim. Editor)
If everybody's thinking alike, somebody isn't thinking.
If investments are keeping you awake at night, sell down to the sleeping point.
If there is a harder way of doing something, someone will find it.
If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.
If you can speak three languages you're trilingual. If you can speak two languages you're bilingual. If you can speak only one language you're an American.
If your dreams turn to dust... vacuum.
Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the land He's trying to ignore.
Information Center, n.: A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
Ingrate, n.: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.
Insanity-a perfectly rational judgement to an insane world.
Iron Law of Distribution: Them that has, gets.
Isn't it strange? The same people who laugh at fortunetellers take economists seriously.
It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.
It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government: No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
Johnson's First Law: When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the most inconvenient possible time.
Johnson's Laws of Bureaucratic Immobility: 1) Never do anything for the first time. 2) Pay is a function of time spent. 3) Wait until others have given clearance. 4) It is futile, so why try? 5) Make only big mistakes.
Jone's Law: The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Jone's Motto: Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Jones's First Law: Anyone who makes a significant contribution to any field of endeavor, and stays in that field long enough, becomes an obstruction to its progress -- in direct proportion to the importance of their original contribution.
Justice, n.: A decision in your favor.
Katz' Law: Man and nations will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
Keep grandma off the streets -- legalize bingo.
Keep you Eye on the Ball, Your Shoulder to the Wheel, Your Nose to the Grindstone, Your Feet on the Ground, Your Head on your Shoulders. Now ... try to get something DONE!
Kin, n.: An affliction of the blood.
Kinkler's First Law: Responsibility always exceeds authority. Kinkler's Second Law: All the easy problems have been solved.
Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within.
Lackland's Laws: 1. Never be first. 2. Never be last. 3. Never volunteer for anything.
Langsam's Laws: 1) Everything depends. 2) Nothing is always. 3) Everything is sometimes.
Larkinson's Law: All laws are basically false.
Law of Communications: The inevitable result of improved and enlarged communications between different levels in a hierarchy is a vastly increased area of misunderstanding.
Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Law of Selective Gravity: An object will fall so as to do the most damage. Jenning's Corollary: The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
Law of the Perversity of Nature: You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
Laws of Serendipity: 1. In order to discover anything, you must be looking for something. 2. If you wish to make an improved product, you must already be engaged in making an inferior one.
Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
Learn from the mistakes of others, you can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.
Leibowitz's Rule: When hammering a nail, you will never hit your finger if you hold the hammer with both hands.
Let us live!!! Let us love!!! Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!! You first.
Let your heart guide you….but listen closely because it whispers.
Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
Lie, n.: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.
Lieberman's Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
Life has no rehearsals, only performances.
Little drops of water, little grains of sand, Make the mighty ocean and the pleasant land. So the little minutes, humble though they be, Make the mighty ages of eternity.
Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse.
Lockwood's Long Shot: The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't one in a million, but once would be enough.
Love is a verb.
Love is like quicksand--the deeper you fall in, the harder it is to get out.
Lowery's Law: If it jams -- force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always one more bug.
Lunatic Asylum, n.: The place where optimism most flourishes.
Maier's Law: If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of. Corollaries: 1. The bigger the theory, the better. 2. The experiment may be considered a success if no more than 50% of the observed measurements must be discarded to obtain a correspondence with the theory.
Main's Law: For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
Maintainer's Motto: If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
Malek's Law: Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
McGowan's Madison Avenue Axiom: If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not $19.95.
Meader's Law: Whatever happens to you, it will previously have happened to everyone you know, only more so.
Meeting, n.: An assembly of people coming together to decide what person or department not represented in the room must solve a problem.
Menu, n.: A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
Meskimen's Law: There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
Micro Credo: Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
Miksch's Law: If a string has one end, then it has another end.
Mitchell's Law of Committees: Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are held to discuss it.
Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis: If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented it wasn't worth doing.
Mophobia, n.: Fear of being verbally abused by a Mississippian.
Mosher's Law of Software Engineering: Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
Most people would rather give than get affection.
Mr. Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
My goal is to someday be the person my dog thinks I am.
Naeser's Law: You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damn foolproof. .
Nature and nature's laws lay hid in night, God said, "Let Newton be," and all was light. It did not last; the devil howling "Ho! Let Einstein be!" restored the status quo.
Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so you apologize for the truth.
Never explain--your friends do not need it, and your enemies will not believe it anyway.
Newlan's Truism: An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
Newton's Little-Known Seventh Law: A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead. .
Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules: The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.
Non-Reciprocal Laws of Expectations: Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results.
Nothing is faster than the speed of light. To prove this to yourself, try opening the refrigerator door before the light comes on.
O give me a home, Where the buffalo roam, Where the deer and the antelope play, Where seldom is heard A discouraging word, 'Cause what can an antelope say? .
Of course the meek will inherit the earth, what, did you think they'd take it by force.
Office Automation, n.: The use of computers to improve efficiency by removing anyone you would want to talk with over coffee.
Ogden's Law: The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
Oliver's Law: Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Omnia mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis. All things are subject to change and we change with them.
One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
On-line, adj.: The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.
Optimists are nostalgic about the future.
Oregon, n.: Eighty billion gallons of water with no place to go on Saturday night.
Osborn's Law: Variables won't; constants aren't.
O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law: Murphy was an optimist.
Our days begin with trouble here, Our life is but a span, And cruel death is always near, So frail a thing is man. - New England Primer.
Our OS who art in CPU, UNIX be thy name.    Thy programs run, thy syscalls done,    in kernel as it is in user!
Out of sight, out of mind.
Overload -- core meltdown sequence initiated.
Ozman's Laws: 1. If someone says he will do something "without fail," he won't. 2. The more people talk on the phone, the less money they make. 3. People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't. 4. Pizza always burns the roof of your mouth.
Pain is just weakness leaving the body.
Pardo's First Postulate: Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. Arnold's Addendum: Anything not fitting into these categories causes cancer in rats.
Parker's Law: Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Parkinson's Fifth Law: If there is a way to delay in important decision, the good bureaucracy, public or private, will find it.
Parkinson's Fourth Law: The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done.
PARTY TIPS #14 Tired of finding that other people are helping themselves to your good liquor at BYOB parties? Take along a candle, which you insert and light after you've opened the bottle. No one ever expects anything drinkable to be in a bottle which has a candle stuck in its neck.
Pascal Users: To show respect for the 313th anniversary (tomorrow) of the death of Blaise Pascal, your programs will be run at half speed.
Pascal, n.: A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead.
Paul's Law: In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save.
Paul's Other Law: You can't fall off the floor.
Peace is the happy, natural state of man; war corruption, his disgrace.
Pecor's Health-Food Principle: Never eat rutabaga on any day of the week that has a "y" in it.
People have a way of becoming what you encourage them to be, not what you nag them to be.
Peter's Law of Substitution: Look after the molehills, and the mountains will look after themselves.
Philadelphia is not dull -- it just seems so because it is next to exciting Camden, New Jersey.
Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.
Platonic love is love from the neck up.
Poetry is not turning loose of emotion,but an escape from emotion; it is not the expression of personality, but an escape from personality,but,of course, only those who have personality and emotions know what it means to want to escape from these things.
Pohl's law: Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it. .
Polymer physicists are into chains.
Posted on a church bulletin board: "Do come in--Trespassers will be forgiven."
Power, n: The only narcotic regulated by the SEC instead of the FDA.
Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist!
Pretty good is infact pretty bad.
Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning: It's on the other side.
Principles only mean something when you stick to them when its inconvenient.
Put your Nose to the Grindstone! -- Amalgamated Plastic Surgeons and Toolmakers, Ltd.
Putt's Law: Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand. .
Q: Why did the tachyon cross the road? A: Because it was on the other side.
Q: Why do ducks have flat feet? A: To stamp out forest fires. Q: Why do elephants have flat feet? A:To stamp out flaming ducks.
Quality Control, n.: The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
Ray's Rule of Precision: Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
Real poetry doesn’t say anything, it just ticks off the possibilities.
Real Time, adj.: Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and then.
Regarding graphics: A picture is worth 10K words -- but only those to describe the picture. Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately described with pictures.
Reisner's Rule of Conceptual Inertia: If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it.
Remember when safe sex meant not getting caught.
Remember, even if you win the rat race -- you're still a rat.
Rocky's Lemma of Innovation Prevention Unless the results are known in advance, funding agencies will reject the proposal.
Rudin's Law: If there is a wrong way to do something, most people will do it every time.
Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London: Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat.
Rule of Creative Research: 1) Never draw what you can copy. 2) Never copy what you can trace. 3) Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.
Rule of Defactualization: Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
Rule of Feline Frustration: When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
Rule of the Great: When people you greatly admire appear to be thinking deep thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.
Rules for driving in New York: 1) Anything done while honking your horn is legal. 2) You may park anywhere if you turn your four-way flashers on. 3) A red light means the next six cars may go through the intersection. .
Satellite Safety Tip #14: If you see a bright streak in the sky coming at you, duck.
Sattinger's Law: It works better if you plug it in.
Schapiro's Explanation: The grass is always greener on the other side -- but that's because they use more manure.
Scott's first Law: No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.
Scott's second Law: When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have been wrong in the first place. Corollary: After the correction has been found in error, it will be impossible to fit the original quantity back into the equation.
Scotty: Captain, we din' can reference it! Kirk: Analysis, Mr. Spock? Spock: Captain, it doesn't appear in the symbol table. Kirk: Then it's of external origin? Spock: Affirmative. Kirk: Mr. Sulu, go to pass two. Sulu: Aye aye, sir, going to pass two. .
Self Test for Paranoia: You know you have it when you can't think of anything that's your own fault.
Seminars, n.: From "semi" and "arse", hence, any half-assed discussion.
Serocki's Stricture: Marriage is always a bachelor's last option.
Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
Shaw's Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
Signs of crime: screaming or cries for help. -- from the Brown Security Crime Prevention Pamphlet .
Silence is one of the greatest arts of conversation.
Silence is the voice of complicity.
Silverman's Law: If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
Simon's Law: Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.
Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls. Intelligence is not trying.
Socialism: An attempt to curb the destructive power of monopolies by creating the biggest one of all.
Sodd's Second Law: Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.
SOFTWARE -- formal evening attire for female computer analysts.
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never, ever, the same.
Some people complain because God put thorns on roses, while others praise Him for putting roses among thorns.
Some people think it’s holding back that makes one strong, sometimes it’s letting go.
Some people use language to express thought, some to conceal thought, and others instead of thought.
Someday is not a day of the week.
Someone doing it often interrupts the person saying it cannot be done.
Sometimes the majority just means all the idiots are on the same side.
Spark's Sixth Rule for Managers: If a subordinate asks you a pertinent question, look at him as if he had lost his senses. When he looks down, paraphrase the question back at him.
Steinbach's Guideline for Systems Programming Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Stult's Report: Our problems are mostly behind us. What we have to do now is fight the solutions.
Stupid people surround themselves with smart people. Smart people surround themselves with smart people who disagree with them.
Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!
Sweater, n.: A garment worn by a child when its mother feels chilly.
Swipple's Rule of Order: He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
Tact, n.: The unsaid part of what you're thinking.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Taxes, n.: Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get an extension.
Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else.
The Abrams' Principle: The shortest distance between two points is off the wall.
The best way to get even is to forget.
The biggest risk is not taking one.
The Briggs/Chase Law of Program Development: To determine how long it will take to write and debug a program, take your best estimate, multiply that by two, add one, and convert to the next higher units.
The Church has many critics but few rivals.
The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.
The cross is "I" crossed out.
The Fifth Rule: You have taken yourself too seriously.
The heart is wiser than the intellect.
The Heineken Uncertainty Principle: You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse.
The Official MBA Handbook on business cards: Avoid overly pretentious job titles such as "Lord of the Realm, Defender of the Faith, Emperor of India" or "Director of Corporate Planning."
The Roman Rule The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
The Third Law of Photography: If you did manage to get any good shots, they will be ruined when someone inadvertently opens the darkroom door and all of the dark leaks out.
The three laws of thermodynamics: The First Law: You can't get anything without working for it. The Second Law: The most you can accomplish by working is to break even. The Third Law: You can only break even at absolute zero.
The truth is always a trick to those who live among lies.
There are three ways to get something done: 1. Do it yourself. 2. Hire someone to do it for you. 3. Forbid your kids to do it.
There is no 'I' in 'team.'
There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have.
There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
There's no real need to do housework -- after four years it doesn't get any worse.
They say love is around every corner. I must be walking in circles.
This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
Time flies like an arrow Fruit flies like a banana.
To get to heaven, turn right and keep straight.
To have more, desire less.
To keep silence is painful.
To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world.
Turnaucka's Law: The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.
Tussman's Law: Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb: Never use your thumb for a rule. You'll either hit it with a hammer or get a splinter in it.
Underlying Principle of Socio-Genetics: Superiority is recessive.
Universe, n.: The problem.
University, n.: Like a software house, except the software's free, and it's usable, and it works, and if it breaks they'll quickly tell you how to fix it, and ...
Unnamed Law: If it happens, it must be possible.
Unthinking, idle, wild, and young, I laughed and danced and talked and sung.
User n.: A programmer who will believe anything you tell him.
Utvich's Observation: Education is the process of moving from cocksure ignorance to thoughtful uncertainty.
Vail's Second Axiom: The amount of work to be done increases in proportion to the amount of work already completed.
Van Roy's Law: An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Van Roy's Laws:  1)College is a fountain of knowledge where students come to drink.  2) Don't wear ear muffs in a land of rattlesnakes 3) The man who invented the eraser had the human race pretty well sized up.
Velilind's Laws of Experimentation: 1. If reproducibility may be a problem, conduct the test only once. 2. If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.
WARNING: Reading this quote can affect the dimensionality of your mind, change the curvature of your spine, cause the growth of hair on your palms, and make a difference in the outcome of your favorite war.
Watson's Law: The reliability of machinery is inversely proportional to the number and significance of any persons watching it.
We believe no evil till the evil's done. - La Fontaine .
We give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
Weinberg's First Law: Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
Weinberg's Principle: An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.
Weinberg's Second Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross references.
Westheimer's Discovery: A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
Wethern's Law: Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
When a fly lands on the ceiling, does it do a half roll or a half loop? .
When I read about the evils of drinking I gave up reading.
When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
When life gives you peaches, make cobbler.
When the door of happiness closes, another opens but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don’t see the one which has been opened for us.
When you come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown faith is knowing one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught how to fly.
WHERE CAN THE MATTER BE Oh, dear, where can the matter be When it's converted to energy? There is a slight loss of parity. Johnny's so long at the fair.
While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
Whistler's Law: You never know who is right, but you always know who is in charge.
Who does not thank for little will not thank for much.
Who spits against heaven, it falls in his face.
Why are people's "deepest desires" always so shallow.
Wiker's Law: Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
Williams and Holland's Law: If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.
Wrinkles - the service stripes of life.
You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.
You could get a new lease on life -- if only you didn't need the first and last month in advance.
You don't have to stay up nights to succeed; you have to stay awake days.
You're entitled to your own opinion, but not your own facts.
Zero Defects, n.: The result of shutting down a production line.